Not a bad day so far. I was able to recover from yesterday afternoon’s therapy visit and stopped crying last night. I guess crying is cathartic but I don’t like it because I get depressed and stay there unless I make a valiant effort to climb out of the DEPRESSION PIT. This morning I worked on my jigsaw puzzle for awhile – it’s a difficult one, since many of the pieces are the same color but different shades. There’s something orderly about finding and fitting pieces together that is relaxing. I wish I could do the same with my life. It always seems to be in shambles, lying in broken pieces around my feet. I pick one or two fragments up to polish them and at least get one thing in order but then a few more fall and I have to start all over again. Do any of you have that happen? It’s like the big D(epression) is lurking around the corner waiting to pounce when I least expect it.
Today I decided to get a haircut. I called my stylist in town and she could get me in but the car wouldn’t start. It’s minus 17 here today. My husband got out in the frigid weather and jumped it from the truck. When I arrived I decided on a perm instead. I have very poor self esteem about my hair. It’s very thin and now I wear it extremely short and spiky. You can see my scalp and it’s embarrassing. But it does look better than thin and shapeless with the scalp still showing. The perm made me feel really good. I feel pretty. When I got home I took the curling iron to it and my husband gave me a compliment. It makes me understand that I need to do nice things for myself more often. They make me feel that I have loved myself, and loving oneself is important.
I love bright colored nail polish. My back problems prevent me from bending over, so somewhere between last summer and now I quit painting my toe nails because of the pain. I hate plain, ugly toes. It makes me feel bad. I love wearing sandals in the summer and having my favorite polish on. In the winter I have to wear socks and shoes, but I still like having those toes painted. I get satisfaction from knowing they are dressed up.
Back to this afternoon and the haircut. When I left the salon the car wouldn’t start again. I’m so lucky I have an understanding spouse, because he had to come out again to jump the car. With these temperatures we’ve decided it’s time for a new battery.
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