Not a bad day so far. I was able to recover from yesterday afternoon’s therapy visit and stopped crying last night. I guess crying is cathartic but I don’t like it because I get depressed and stay there unless I make a valiant effort to climb out of the DEPRESSION PIT. This morning I worked on my jigsaw puzzle for awhile – it’s a difficult one, since many of the pieces are the same color but different shades. There’s something orderly about finding and fitting pieces together that is relaxing. I wish I could do the same with my life. It always seems to be in shambles, lying in broken pieces around my feet. I pick one or two fragments up to polish them and at least get one thing in order but then a few more fall and I have to start all over again. Do any of you have that happen? It’s like the big D(epression) is lurking around the corner waiting to pounce when I least expect it.
Today I decided to get a haircut. I called my stylist in town and she could get me in but the car wouldn’t start. It’s minus 17 here today. My husband got out in the frigid weather and jumped it from the truck. When I arrived I decided on a perm instead. I have very poor self esteem about my hair. It’s very thin and now I wear it extremely short and spiky. You can see my scalp and it’s embarrassing. But it does look better than thin and shapeless with the scalp still showing. The perm made me feel really good. I feel pretty. When I got home I took the curling iron to it and my husband gave me a compliment. It makes me understand that I need to do nice things for myself more often. They make me feel that I have loved myself, and loving oneself is important.
I love bright colored nail polish. My back problems prevent me from bending over, so somewhere between last summer and now I quit painting my toe nails because of the pain. I hate plain, ugly toes. It makes me feel bad. I love wearing sandals in the summer and having my favorite polish on. In the winter I have to wear socks and shoes, but I still like having those toes painted. I get satisfaction from knowing they are dressed up.
Back to this afternoon and the haircut. When I left the salon the car wouldn’t start again. I’m so lucky I have an understanding spouse, because he had to come out again to jump the car. With these temperatures we’ve decided it’s time for a new battery.
I love feedback and critiques. I also love comments, so let’s talk!
First session with my therapist in three weeks. Hard to cope, as I usually see her weekly. We had lots to talk about and I filled her in on my holidays. I am currently in the throes of rapid cycling and it is wearing me down. If you’re not sure what that is, it is like climbing to the top of Mt. Everest and dropping off the apex at the speed of light. On one end it’s something I like, because when I am in Mania I am creative. I also talk too much, do things I wouldn’t normally do, wear myself so thin that I can’t sleep, and get cranky because others can’t keep up with me.
On the other end, when I am in Depression, it feels like someone is sitting on my chest, I can’t breathe, and all I want to do is hide under the covers and cry. Neither is good for me and I have a few things to try to help. Currently they are: meditating twice a day, blogging, art journaling, crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles and lots and lots of reading.
My psychiatrist and I are trying an experiment using blue blocking glasses to watch tv or be on the computer when I’m manic. The theory is that the bright light makes the mania worse. I don’t know the results yet, because my first pair of blue blocking glasses broke and I had to buy another. I’ll keep you posted on that. So, it’s time for me, time to relax Tonight it’s going to be the jigsaw puzzle. I love putting together the 1,000 piece Charles Wysocki puzzles. I’ll post a picture when I’m done with it.
January 1, 2017.
A new year, a new blog. My name is Linda and I am a senior citizen living with Bipolar Disorder. I am 67 years old and I’ve hesitated to begin this blog because I am afraid. Afraid that if I open my heart to the internet I will be laughed at, misunderstood or even shunned. It is not easy to live with Bipolar, but there are certain things that help me cope. I’d like to share my journey with you on this blog. There will be chats, crafts that keep my mind busy and fulfilled, tales of my travels and my everyday life, and my longing to be “normal.” I invite you to join me on my journey to wellness in hopes that it may help you deal with Bipolar Disorder, or any other mental health issue, for that matter. This is my first post but there will be many more to come. Stay tuned.
This is your very first post. Click the Edit link to modify or delete it, or start a new post. If you like, use this post to tell readers why you started this blog and what you plan to do with it.